NYC You Tomorrow.

Itinerary:

1. Work
2. Take Photos
3. Eat
4. See Matt and Kate
5. See Nixon crew
6. Work
7. Art
8. Bums
9. Mazza
10. Take Photos

Photo Credit: Me, MFers.

Via Con Dios.

Oh Hell Yes.

Charles Bronson was a badass of leviathan proportions. "Do you believe in Jesus?" He'd ask a street punk, responsible for raping and murdering his wife. "Good, because you're going to meet him." I saw that movie when I was about 10 and I cried when he shot the guy through the face with a .44 magnum, it was so cold blooded. If you are going to take the name of one of cinema's most grizzled ass kickers, it would be a good idea to look like Bill the Butcher and Chopper Reid had a baby in London and then locked him in solitary confinement for 30 years for robbing a post office of $50. I'd probably give that guy a pass. Please watch this trailer and then tell me if you can't hear Paul Walker and Vin Diesel weeping softly and singing Kum Bah Ya.

Monday Morning Movie Reviews: Halloween II

Horror movies are like Taco Bell, it's the same 5 ingredients combined in a different order, and sold as something new and improved. Most of the time you know what you're getting in to, and you usually have diarrhea afterwords. Plus, it provides an outlet for the cottage industry of bands whose members all wear masks, or capes, or both. Generally I would go off about how the remakes of movies are killing the creativity in Hollywood, but as I think about the fart I just let longer than I think about the Rob Zombie movie I just saw, I'd say my energy would be better spent elsewhere. Like thinking about the fart I just let. Man, that was the time of my life...

And We're Back.

Movie Reviews start on Monday. Until then, do me yourself a favor and check out what's been getting done since we last saw eachother:

The Honeypot™ Chronicles

Pretty Pictures

Another Video

I'm Out.

If the internet was a bar, I just looked up and thought, "You know what? I'm over this place. I'm out." Sure I'll miss the smokey atmosphere, the broken Golden Tee, and the grimey locals, but sometimes you just gotta walk away.

Anyone?

If for some reason you are going to be in Bristol this weekend, I would ask, nay BEG you to go to this. Pick me up a print while you're there. I'll pay you back, promise. It won't be like that time at Del Taco that I was all, "Dude, please just buy me 3 crispy tacos, I'll totally get you next time." and then I totally didn't.

Canon Demi EE17

Another D.I. find, this time from the downtown location. I would've passed on this one as it's pretty similar to the Canonet, but the fact that it takes two exposures per frame is super cool, and provides an interesting bit of juxtaposition if you lose track of what side of the film you're on.

Choo Choo!

There are so many trainwrecks in Vegas, it's almost not fair. It's like someone intersected Amtrack's entire rail system on one point, then set all the trains in the fleet at full speed towards it. Far be it from me to shy away from an easy laugh, however, and gaze upon the pics that were snapped at Dino's karaoke night. What is unseen in the first picture is the couple making out between songs, and what isn't seen below is the woman's shirt that reads, "America's Next Top Model". Either hipsters are getting all George Lucas with their irony, or these were two of the best dressed couples I've ever seen. My song was Dolly Parton's, "9 to 5" that night. Not as good as I'd hoped it would be...back to the drawing board for next time.

Partners.

Remember When...

...People used to fix things? "Here Honey, I've just finished
remodulating the stereo, now go pull the steaks off the grill and
let's eat." if this book was printed today, it would just have a
coupon to Amazon in it for 10% off whatever you just broke.

Sex at the Mormon Thrift Store

On my way to Vegas last week, we made a stop at the St. George D.I. (the thrift store owned by the Mormons). While looking for vintage books for Molly Jones, I came across this diamond in the rough. There is literally almost a painted boob on the cover of this thing, and inside is filled with booze, dope and sex. Not bad for a buck.

Catch Up.

Just like Ashton Kutcher's Documentary, "The Butterfly Effect" taught us, sometimes our actions produce unintended consequences. I no longer have a pocket sized digital camera, now that the D-LUX 3 has found a new home, so, when it comes to gathering content for the blog, I have three choices:

1. Nikon D-40. Big, even for a small camera. Looks creepy when you are taking pictures of douchebags in line at Cafe Rio.


2. iPhone. Still a good one, but in any situations that are low light (lower than high noon) the pics look like my baby's ultrasound.


3. Film. Still looking for the "e-mail photo" button on the Canonet. Maybe I should read the instructions.

Rather than eff up the flow of things here and lightning round post everything that has been going on, here is a quick capsule review.

-New York


Amazing weekend with Candice and Zoe, visiting Matt and Kate. They are awesome people and they took time out of their day (and money out of their wallet since NYC has moved to a cash-only economy, apparently) to show their country bumpkin friends around. After three days of me trying to pay for everything with third-party, out of state checks, they deserve a medal, but will have to settle for some good ol' fashioned Utah Meth that I'll be sending their way shortly.
PHOTOS HERE.

-Health Problems


At some point last week, my right ear started sounding like it was underwater. I've tried the nose plug thing, q-tips, cursing at it, even one of those old time-y ear horns, but still it persists. Going deaf is one thing, I might actually enjoy it, but whenever I eat, the sound of me chewing is blasted through my head as if it was going through a Marshall stack. Of all the things that annoy me (ooooh boy don't get me started), the sound of chewing makes me want to throw myself in front of a bus. I am living in the audio version of that Minority Report prison.

Coming this week:
-Las Vegas Trainwrecks
-Porn at the Mormon Thrift Store.
-Pinball Hall of Fame
PLUS- The best thing I've ever written. Or, a link to something I just saw someplace else.

Sorry.

More stuff is coming.

Thanks to Danny for the pic.

No No No No No No No.

Street Dreams Trailer from chris zamoscianyk on Vimeo.

Since the devil has yet to approach me with an offer to give me millions of dollars in exchange for something near and dear to me (you're thinking dignity, but you'd be wrong), I will continue to judge quite harshly those that have. The level of douche-chillery brought on by the above video is so unbelievably high, I almost didn't post it. Thanks to HD technology, you can now pinpoint the exact moment that skateboarding's heart breaks. It's right around the time that P-Rod's movie Dad screams, "You're throwing your life away!" or when Dyrdek says, "A 360 Flip to Nosegrind on a handrail? That's some Fantasy Factory shit!" and turns to the camera and winks. Rumor has it, they got the hardest trick in skateboarding on film for the movie's climactic moment, it's called, "The Shark Jump" and if the above is any indication, they nailed it.

Intermission.

More stuff is coming, until then, enjoy this video and donate some money to Hime's AIDS Ride.

NYC You Tomorrow.

Candice, Zoe and I are off to NYC tomorrow to visit Matt and Kate. I can't wait to see this "large apple" that people keep talking about. Update, sure to follow.

Canonet G-III

Dustin and I have been on a DI tear lately, and the fun thing about it is: the more you go, the more you find. It's a dangerous prospect though, my Dad ended up with a basement full of old board games because he couldn't keep his DI trips in check. It looked like someone had blown up Parker Brothers down there. If you're careful, however, you can really come away with some gems. I found this Canonet rangefinder camera for $5 to keep up with the Pentax that Dustin had just bought. It took some getting used to, but I am pretty stoked on how it works. The hardest part is keeping the ADD in check while you wait for the development to come back so you can see the results. See below for some of the first roll highlights.

Monday Morning Movie Reviews: Star Trek

It's a pretty decent movie, but I almost got my ass kicked (in written form on blogs of course) by the nerds in the theater, because I kept making Star Wars references throughout the movie. I suggest you try it. Here's some examples:

"Pfft. The Death Star did it way better."
"What is that guy supposed to be, a Thug Ewok?"
"How many parsecs did it take Kirk to do the Kessel Run?"

You really only need the first one, and if repeated enough, someone will eventually get mad enough to update their Facebook Status to: "Pissed." B+.

Hard Knocks.

"Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan." I am no marketonomist or "-ologist" for that matter, but is anyone really that surprised that the above concert lost Arizona University nearly 1 Million GD dollars? Here's what happened: The brainiacs at AU, with their fancy "degrees" and "book learnding" Googled "biggest music audiences" and then produced the following diagram:



Then they went about securing acts that fit each category, thinking (in theory) that by combining all three categories, they would easily cover Jigga's $750,000, Kelly Clarkson's $249,985, and the Greyhound ticket to Tucson that Third Eye Blind (!) asked for. Here's where their plan went off the rails: They didn't realize that the "Nincompoops" segment of their audience overlapped in to the other two groups, almost eclipsing them entirely. And as we all know, their disposable income is usually taken up by lotto tickets and extended warranties and cell phone ringtones and Nascar. And that's in the good times. Actually, I think it was the fact that there isn't a single person on earth who wants to see those three acts together. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the fans of each of those artists HATES the other artists. Much like my love of nipple piercing, evangelical church services, and frat parties, those are worlds that will sadly never live in harmony.

Via Here.