No No No No No No No.

Street Dreams Trailer from chris zamoscianyk on Vimeo.

Since the devil has yet to approach me with an offer to give me millions of dollars in exchange for something near and dear to me (you're thinking dignity, but you'd be wrong), I will continue to judge quite harshly those that have. The level of douche-chillery brought on by the above video is so unbelievably high, I almost didn't post it. Thanks to HD technology, you can now pinpoint the exact moment that skateboarding's heart breaks. It's right around the time that P-Rod's movie Dad screams, "You're throwing your life away!" or when Dyrdek says, "A 360 Flip to Nosegrind on a handrail? That's some Fantasy Factory shit!" and turns to the camera and winks. Rumor has it, they got the hardest trick in skateboarding on film for the movie's climactic moment, it's called, "The Shark Jump" and if the above is any indication, they nailed it.

No No No No No No No.

Whenever you hear about working in Hollywood, the one thing that you will hear from everyone is how hard it is to get in to the business. "There's so many people, and a finite number of movies that get made, it's just really hard to get a break." Really? Then why is there not a whole magazine called "Totally Amazing Movies That Didn't Get Made" dedicated to the surplus of original, enriching stories that there are just so many of, there literally aren't enough cameras in the world to capture them all. Instead, somebody at Fox decided the world needed a straight to DVD sequel of Donnie Darko. For those of you who haven't seen it, Donnie Darko is really a good movie, with strong performances and a plot that is engaging, funny, and about three degrees shy of being too weird. It's like a really good fever dream. It's use of Gary Jules' "Mad World" cover in the end credits still brings tears to my eyes (even though some d-bag from American Idol completely bit it). It's not a perfect film, but it was good enough. I repeat: IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH. EVERYTHING IS NOT A FRANCHISE! But, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. So I will begin working on my treatments of the following scripts:

-South American Beauty: A poor man becomes disenfranchised with his cushy life in the Brazilian favelas and decides to change his life. Also, his neighbor, a gruff military junta leader turns out to be gay.

-Eig8t: If you thought Se7en was scary, just wait till you follow Detective Sommerset (Morgan Freeman) as he takes on his next case. His ex-partner David Mills (now played by David Borneaz) has escaped from the mental hospital and is avenging his wife's death by killing serial killers and putting their heads in boxes. The number 8 will be a predominant symbol throughout (ties back in to the title!) the film.

-2M: Memento 2: The story of Leonard, the killer with no short term memory, continues. Leonard has been cured, so the story will be told in traditional linear fashion. He has also gotten re-married, but has no idea his wife is also an assassin! When they both get hired for the same contract, the sparks fly! (Possibly a romantic comedy?)

-Scarface Begins: We find out exactly how Tony Montana (played by Wilmer Valderrama ) got his trademark scar. SPOILER ALERT: It really WAS from eating pussy!

-Fight Club II: The Octogon: When MMA star Tito Ortiz gets fed up with the over-commercialization of mixed martial arts fights, he decides to start an underground fight circuit with mysterious rebel Skyler Durdon (played by Kimbo Slice). But when Tito's daughter gets kidnapped by the president of Affliction Clothing, Tito and Skyler have to compete in a tournament with MMA's best fighters to get her back.

Marketing is FUN!

Apparently, the trend that is "All the Rage™" with advertising these days is "Viral Marketing™" whose name is appropriate, since a virus' purpose is to make you shit loosely and/or bleed from the ears. What happens is people see a commercial and say,"Fuck you, Glaxo-Smith Kline! Try to brainwash me in to buying your lifesaving drugs? I'll show you!" and throw their remote through their TV, but if the "ad" comes in a clever, engaging form (i.e. just not on television), people say, "Man, this Asthma Attacks! game is super fun! Oooh, if I get three more Glaxo-Smith Kline inhalers, I get to go to the secret BONUS LEVEL!" Case and point: The McTerminator is coming out this summer, and to make you feel like you're "part of the movie™ " you can upload a picture of yourself and make it look like you're a soulless, futuristic, killing machine. Then when the movie comes out, you can tell your friends, "I'm totally in that! We should go see it multiple times on opening weekend!" When your friends call bullshit on you, simply produce this picture, and say, "Oh, well I guess this was just for some douchebag at Saachi and Saachi to justify his seven figure income then, huh?" And they'll be all, "Snap! I guess you WERE in the movie. Let's watch it again just to make sure." My point is, when is Robocop coming out?

Sony's New Bullshit.

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
God Bless The Onion. VIA TWBE.