For those of you who sadly (re: wisely) missed out on the "Summer's Hottest* Youth Music Festival and Marketing Whirlygig", the Van's Warped Tour, allow me to summarize. I was in attendance at this unfortunate display of our nation's youth (again) and I was simultaneously overjoyed and sickened with the choices they make (again). First of all, I wholeheartedly accept the fact that I am in the heady twilight of my connection with the 14-18 demographic, but I was stunned to find myself as out of it as I was. Exactly none of the bands that played, outside of the headline staples (Bad Religion, Pennywise), were familiar to me. I felt Luke Skywalker on his first trip to the Mos Eisley Cantina (although I did secretly wish for some of the locals to start some shit so we could start chopping hands off).
So after about 10 straight hours, the whole thing started to wear me a bit thin. I prayed for a carpet bombing that would never come, even though death by napalm would've been sweet relief compared to the punishing desert sun. Everywhere I looked there was more and more nonsense that shouldn't have fooled a toddler in to thinking that companies like AT&T (see below post for my opinion on them), were cool but there they were lined up in the dozens to be spoon fed whatever copy the guys in marketing had thrown together. This is just another example of how I am simultaneously disgusted by and fueling the machine. Don't think I want to bite the hand that feeds, but when the hand keeps poking you in the eye...
Anywhoo, here are the only redeeming things about Warped Tour: bad tattoos and sunburns!!! My favorite is the Pink Panther that apparently hopped on one leg to smoke a syringe!
*Like over 100 fucking degrees hot!
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