AT&T Can Cram It.

I swore to myself I wouldn't do it again. Like a drunken, wife-beater, I told myself I had changed. "I only do this becasue YOU MAKE ME!" I screamed. But when all was said and done, I lasted 24 hours from the launch of the iPhone before I bought one.

An anagram of "early adopter" is "retard plea, yo", as in, "Please, please, please let me pay the maximum amount of money for a product that will go down in functionality and price in six weeks or less!" But, here we are. Granted, the phone is fucking cool. By cool, of course I am speaking aesthetically, because it's like holding a handful of charcoal briquettes after about 5 minutes of use. Thankfully, those design geniuses at Apple brought out a whole accessory line to go with it:

All of these things aside, I am an Apple Fanboy. So I was willing to overlook a few third degree burns on my hands and the fact that Apple was probably going to squat down and take a steamy dump on my chest in Q4 when they release a 20 GB model for $200. It wasn't until I tried to activate it that I was told "At&T does not support business plans for the iPhone." Wait, what? You mean to tell me that after I've ignored all sense and reason in buying this fucking thing, you're denying me the ultimate reward of lording it over all those people that don't have one*!? My response.So right now, I have a really awesome, really expensive, really useless solution to all of my problems that I made up to justify this purchase. Epic.

*A void in their soul where sense, dignity, and $500 used to be.