Summer Movie Guide!

Summer is here, and that can only mean one thing: the heat gets so bad that people will watch any piece of shit movie put in front of them as long as it means they can sit in an air conditioned room for 90 minutes. That has to be it. Right? Or is there some kind of stupid people hibernation that I don't know about? People that have been asleep since Christmas are just waking up and saying, "I wonder what the "Fast and Furious" gang is up to? I had so many unanswered questions after the last one, there's an emptiness in my soul that can only be filled with Paul Walker's bare chest and a Linkin' Park soundtrack." The Dark Knight should have showed that you don't have to make a dum dum, poop taco of a movie to make money. Make a good product, more people will buy it. What a concept! But by the looks of it, we are going to be subjected to the same shell game scam that has become the standard for summer movies. Keep people distracted with explosions and CGI, and maybe they won't notice that it's the same nonsense that you sold them last year. I have put together the extremely detailed chart above to guide you through your movie going this summer, and by my count, you should budget no more than $50 for movies for the next 6 months. The main reason for this is that the studios have ignored a time-tested moneymaker: Brian Cox. The guy can play ANYTHING! A king, a dad, a CIA agent, or any combination of all three! If you would like to retain my consulting services for your next movie, please email me at zbruns@me.com.