Dairy Queen Inspiration.

From the above box:

"I remember this boy who used to ride his bike to my Dairy Queen every afternoon. I guess he figured there was no sweeter way to kill time until his parents came home from work. He basically became our store mascot. One time, he didn't show up for a few days, when he finally returned, he told us his bike had been stolen so he couldn't get around town any more. Then, unbeknownst to me, my store employees pooled their hard earned money together and bought the boy a new bike. Needless to say, I have never been prouder of my team. Thanks to them, we got our mascot back, and a new consecutive day streak was under way! I just love telling this story.*"

If you've got half a brain in your head, your immediate response to that story is,"Bull.Shit." First of all, any kid who spends his afternoon riding to the DAIRY QUEEN, instead of, I don't know, ANYWHERE ELSE, is clearly an imbecile. Secondovly(that's right), where was this Dairy Queen? Narnia? Last DQ I went to, the employees looked like the meth clinic turned them away for being too gnarly. Not exactly the type of people who would be able to "pool" anything except some pee around their midsection when they finally crash out. Finally, there's the matter of the asterisk at the end. I turned over the box to see what it was all about and here's the kicker:




"*Dramatization of story and photos, including use of actors."

Are we really in such dire straits that we need Dairy Queen to give us hope in (fake) humanity? I've stayed up for a week racking my brain, struggling to find some kind of reasoning or purpose to this, but it eludes me. We all wish we could write our own reviews, but come on, it didn't even happen! Which reminds me of the time I spent a summer crafting a prosthetic leg for a dog that was hit by a car, while dragging his owner out of the street after he had a heart attack. The dog later went in to space. When the shuttle ran in to some technical problems, the dog's fake leg was the one thing that (somehow) got them back to earth safely. I've never been prouder of myself. I just love telling that story.**

**Dramatization. May not have happened.